I feel kinda better. Im less angry but now Im sad. I deleted my other entry... or.. O.o yeah at least I tried. lol but I couldn't get the entire thing deleted. When I loose control of my emotions like that is how i loose friends. I need to be more positive. I dont get how i can't be. Or even when I am positive and happy.. that's when I have a hard time talking!! b/c there's nothing to talk about Idk what to say. It may seem like I'm ALWAYS sad, But IM NOT! My mom said something the other day that really made me upset, she said I have "kinda friends"... that made me really upset. I mean like... I have my internet friends But.. I can't seem to make friends outside the internet, or at least other than aquantances I can't seem to. And when people see how I am in person, how im not the same how I am online, that's when I loose most of them. (and then the other half regret being my friend later when I freak out or get depressed ) And like i dont feel like I do have any close friends, or family, or anybody else. I mean like, I got my dog.. but I need contact with people. like I have friends outside the internet, at least 2 I'd consider better friends than aquantances (although i have no idea where the freakin line is to draw them between) But in person I'm so different. There's always a million things going though my mind if Im acting the right way, saying the right thing at the right time, giving the right facial expression wich I suck at, and i dont have as much time to think things through as I do online to sort out what I say and I try to pick up what they're saying and what they're acting like.. and Im scared sometmies i misinterpret people.. I know I do online. Once again I always expect abandonment at some point. like Im constantly looking for any sighs of it, and when I find signs of it I Freak the hell out and get really sad and dk what to do.
wow yeah I sound ridiculous loll
soo yeah.. good things. hmm... well possibly getting ice cream tonight... yeahh
idk